Freedom – Chu Gee Choon

    “At last! Freedom!” I shouted loudly into the silence of the deserted streets as I walked down them, trying to find a budget hotel to stay for the night. As I continued to search for a suitable place to stay, my thoughts shifted to the time when I was a teenager.

     “William Duncan! I want you to come here right NOW!” my mother hollered across the hall. “Alright, keep your head on!” I answered back rather rudely as I unplugged my earplugs, stopped the music, and headed down to where she was. “You were looking for me?” I asked innocently when I saw her face, black as a thundercloud. She did not answer. Instead, she walked over to my school bag and tipped everything out.

     “Hey!” I could not help but to cry out instinctively as I watched all my possessions literally flowing out from the bag. By now, I had already begun to suspect what she was finding. My suspicions proved only too true when a pornographic magazine and a few videos dropped out from the layer of ‘debris’ at the bottom of my bag. As she turned slowly to stare at me, the ferocity of her gaze bored into me. Then, she took a few rapid paces towards me and gave me a resounding slap on my face. I winced due to the pain but did not flinch. Having been brought up in a household where physical violence was an everyday occurrence, I was not even surprised that my mother did this.

     “You!” my mother cried. “Why must you always give me so much problems! I’m fed up with you! Get out of my sight AT ONCE!” I, being most happy at an excuse to go back to my room, darted up before she could change her mind.

     Due to the unlimited freedom my parents gave me as they were working，I started to smoke, join gangs, and even raid houses. While most people would have liked to stay out of trouble，I embraced trouble like a buddy. At the age of twenty-six, I was already at the pinnacle of my ‘career’. My name was known throughout the underworld as well as the whole world, being an internationally wanted person.

     One day, a mysterious stranger came. He introduced himself as Raymond Watson, codenamed Spectre. He asked me to take on a dare; to go around the world killng all the unworthy gangs, leaving the world with only the fittest. At that time, my mind, being already corrupted with too much freedom and influenced by my household and my gang, readily agreed to it. The moment I swore to do that dirty job, I had already created a path to my demise.

     For the first few weeks, everything seemed to be going the way I had expected, possibly even better. Thousands of people were massacred by me and the police was puzzled at why and how the massare took place. As I watched their dumb faces on my Liquid-Crystal display plasma television set, I could not help but laugh at them. “Stupid police dogs, they think they’re so great, they can’t even catch… me!” After saying that, I broke into another frenzy of crazed laughter. Suddenly, I felt a cold metal ring being placed on my forehead, and a calm voice said to me, “FBI. Please follow us.” The calmness in which he spoke was unnerving. I was eventually sentenced to ten years of jail sentence and slapped with a heavy fine.

     Ten years have since passed, and I was given freedom – again. But this time, I am not going to abuse it like I did the previous time. I have finally realised the true meaning of freedom. Freedom is like a poison, a venom, that can take us over. The weight of responsibility is now on my shoulders. I will now be responsible for whatever acts I commit in the future.

Word count: 656

The dialogue at the start of the essay is a very good way of opening it. The idea of hollering down the deserted streets really shows how liberated the protagonist feels upon coming out of jail.

Again, the plot displays how freedom was not initially treasured and hence, it was taken away. As you all know, freedom is not a right. It is a privilege and once it is abused, it will be taken away.

Gee Choon’s plot is very well decorated with good expressions every now and then and he describes the actions of his characters in detail, using apt vocab. Notice how I didn’t correct his use of ‘But’ at the beginning of the sentence in the last paragraph. This is because the word here serves as an effect. How he has finally realised his mistake and will not abuse his freedom like he did before.

Overall, the reader would be won by the fluent and varied sentence structures, good phrases/ expressions (personally, “I embrace trouble like a buddy” is my favourite) and the powerful conclusion at the end.

Well done, Gee Choon!

Freedom- Seah Hui Li

Stone walls do not a prison make
Nor iron bars a cage – Richard Lovelace

     What is true freedom? The concept of life that many have fought for. Is freedom a positive or negative influence on us?

     Some say that freedom is to act in accordance with one’s own true self or value. Others say that it is to be unburdened of threats and imprisonment or slavery. Yet some beg to differ. They believe that freedom is the conquerance of fear, lust and anger. Many echoes that it is to do things by your own free will.

     I believe that freedom is acting according to your wshes, and let things be in the way you want them to be. However, not all freedom is valuable, not al lis worthy for us to fight for.

     What I regard as truly worthy freedom is our soul’s freedom. Like what Richard Lovelace wrote. Physical liberty does not demolish our heart’s elbowroom. If we are drudges in what we believe, or slaves in our ambience, we are genuinely lacking freedom no matter where we are. They say that children are the freest of all. Even though their parents have nearly total control over them, their hearts are rid of pain and trepidation.

     There are numerous definations of freedom but if we cannot even decide what freedom is, are we not totally lacking the mentioned “concept”?

     I have seen a lot of my peers, complaining that their parents do not allow them to do as they please. I have seen a lot of maids accusing their employers of abuse. I have read books where people enter civil wars, for the sake of liberating themselves. I have known of birds to deprive themselves of drinks to e allowed free, to fly in that faraway sky. I have known of people who say that Singaporeans are utterly impoverished of freedom. I have read news of North Koreans escaping their country for freedom.

     Is freedom really so important?

     A lie told often enough becomes the truth. Maybe it is just a faux concept that lasted through times, a faux concept to lie to ourselves that doing whatever we want without considering about its consequences or the welfare of others is not wrong.

     It might be just a wish, the reflection of a ‘better’ life, life without worries or burden. Perhaps, it is a strong burning heart’s desire. But it might be a good thing to aim towards. Or maybe it is truly different for each and everyone of us and somehow, we can all achieve our own concept of ‘freedom’.

     “A free man is not hindered to do what he hath the will to do” – Thomas Hobbes, a classical camptbilist.

     Can that really happen? Would we be hindered by our other desires, to be free, isn’t it to have no bonds, no responsiblities, nothing? Or else, we would still have worries, wouldn’t we?

     Freedom…

     Liberty…

     Be it a concept, a kind of success, or just very simply, a desire, we should know that we should work towards that kind of ‘world’.

     Many things are human-oriented but they turn out to be essential for us to make a living now, like Money and Time.

     Like how many slaves bought their freedom, some day, freedom might also be valued due to the amount of money it comes with, like how you can buy an hour of a person’s time just to hear him deliver a speech. This, however, would decrease the moral value of Freedom. We should treasure it morally with mordernization at bay as in this modern world, Money talks. Hence, we should not let the idea of freedom wear away with time and age.  

Word count: 617

Hui Li starts off her essay with a quote, a very apt one which talks about how physical freedom does not equate to mental freedom. She has probed the reader with many rhetorical questions (meaning questions that do not need answers) but she does not overdo it.

Hui Li has given examples from her daily life as well as real-world examples to substantiate her idea of freedom. This variety of examples is good as it tells the reader that you’re considering the idea of freedom from many aspects of life.

In her last paragraph, she states the value of freedom, how one day, a price tag may be attached to it and that is very relevant considering how the value of time is now given a price tag.  Her essay questions the true value of freedom and what does it really mean in today’s world and I find that it is displays the workings of a matured mind.

Well done, Hui Li! 

Freedom – Tan Jin Da

     It was freedom, which enabled us to go anywhere we liked. It was freedom, which changed the extents of our lives. It was freedom, the pleasure of being able to do things without feeling guilty. However, to experience freedom is very challenging. I explained this freedom just seconds ago.

     I was located in a torture room of a dilapidated office, the Selarang Barrack. The room was equipped with a variety of torture weapons which could inflict pain onto a person’s body, but not likely to be able to cause death. Tortures were being held once every week, which were carried out by ‘kempeitais’, experts in torture. Today, eighth of August, nineteen forty-five, was the day when water torture would be carried out on my body, bruised and injured.

     “Number 1234, please cooperate with us and tell us the leaders of Force 136. If you fail to cooperate, then I am sorry.” A kempeitai said with sarcasm. The motto of the force was ‘Loyalty before Death’. With these three words etched in my mind, I failed to mutter a single word to the kempeitai. The kempeitai walked over to the water hose and brought it to me. I was kicked in the legs which forced me into a kneeling position. I shut my eyes. Footsteps were being heard. A ‘screech’ sound was also being heard shortly. The valve was being turned on.

     My face turned red, and in less than a few split seconds, water gushed into my mouth. I could feel the power of the gushing water passing through my oesophagus. The pain was excruciating, my mind was being embraced in a colour that was blacker than black. At that point of time, I started to hate Percival for surrendering to the Japanese. I wished to burn him on a stick in front of everybody in Singapore. However, the torture had not come to an end. The kempeitai retrieved the hose which was originally in my mouth. I fell onto the ground, vomiting out water at the same time. The kempeitai forced the hose onto my belly button which all his might which caused my belly button to break apart. A totally reverse action of the previous torture was being executed. Water gushed out of my mouth．I looked like a fountain.

     This torture could be compared to the torture some people believe that the eighteen levels of hell execute. I wanted to die there. The desire to commit suicide was really tantalising, but I could not die, no matter what I did.

     “Over!” the kempeitai shouted with his uniform all wet. I loved this particular word. It symbolised that the torture had come to an end. Surprisingly, today was a little different. We were forced to assemble in the field of the Selarang Barracks. A high-ranking officer, who looked rather conspicuous in his blue coloured attire walked into the field.

     “Sorry for the ill treatment the Japanese has given all of you! We surrendered to the British! You all are now free to go!” The officer shouted and bowed deeply, his legs almost perpendicular to the body.

     I could not believe myself. I was being freed from ‘hell’! I stood there as if I was in a dream which ceased to exist. I slapped myself on the face and found out that I was indeed in reality. I felt very surprised over the arrogant Japanese’s surrender to the British and went around asking about it.

     “An atomic bomb called ‘Fat man’ was being dropped onto some place in Japan, so they had no choice but to surrender.” a fellow captive responded. Everyone cheered with pride.

     I walked out of the Barracks and took a deep breath. This particular breath was very different from the air in the Barracks. My legs felt numb and I was unable to walk anymore. I fell onto the ground.

     Lying on the ground, I finally knew the true meaning of freedom. I am now free to go anywhere and never would I feel guilty anymore. This freedom was being taken away by the Japanese, trapping us captives like caged birds with limited movements.

     But a few moments ago, the cage opened and the birds flew high up into the sky, hoping that they would never again, return to the cage.

     I muttered, “Thank you, Fat man.” and I shut my eyes.

Word count: 728

Excellent job, Jin Da! I think that this essay is really well done. There are two or three bombastic vocab words, which is enough to make the reader aware of your standard of English. Too many would be too stiffling (well, that’s what I feel anyway). I really loved the way Jin Da crafts his essay. The dialogues are appropriate and he shows instead of just merely telling.

Take a look at his intro. He employs the repetitive technique (he repeats “it was freedom”) and then ends his essay with a simple statement of the definition of freedom.

A one word title like freedom, is very open and as you all know, everyone has different definitions of it.  The protagonist here, states his own meaning of freedom very clearly and simply, which is good as it does not complicate matters.

Even though there are not many emotional moments in his essay, as a reader, I felt aware of the pain during the water torture due to his sentence structures and the descriptions used. Selerang Barracks was ‘hell’ and he likened the torture to the 18 levels of hell. How his mind was engulf in darkness and the hate he felt when his superior surrendered to the Japanese. I also felt the relief and happiness which overwhelmed him when they were freed from the way the protagonist’s legs gave way and he just laid there on the ground, still in shock due to this sudden freedom.

A very compelling essay which brings out the meaning of freedom really aptly.

Well done, Jin Da!

Freedom – Joy Yee

     Joel pressed his face against the wired fence, staring into the dirty and overgrown fields beyond. Its appeal stemmed not from its appearance, but what it stood for. It represented the freedom that Joel had longed for. The sunlight, freedom and the care from all our family and friends are a complete contrast to what Joel was experiencing now. The world seemed to be so dark and gloomy for him. He was just like a caged bird, cooped up and getting weaker day by day.

     He would not have landed in this plight if he had thought before he acted. Joel was convicted due to eating drugs, although he vehemently denied. Few years back, Joel was a talented and wealthy man, who caught the admiration of many young girls. Many offered to be his friend and never once would anybody see him alone! Never did he know that it was that bunch of ‘good friends’ that had led him to what he was now.

     One day, after work, he received a call from one of his friends, Ah Chye, that he had something special to show him! As the curiosity in him rose, he agreed. As they met, Ah Chye then out of the blue, asked him if he was very stressed up with his work. Without a single clue to what Ah Chye was saying, Joel then answered honestly. Would a person whose picture was always on the headlines feel stressed? Upon answering, only to see Ah Chye digging into his pocket with a small white packet in his hands.

     “Brother, on account of our relationship, I shall give this to you for free.” Ah Chye said. As he handed the plastic over to Joel, Joel got the shock of his life! It was ecstasy! Ah Chye then told him to lower down his voice. Joel could not believe it! Why did his friend, Ah Chye, do such a thing? He then stuffed the packet into Ah Chye’s hand.

     As he was about to walk away, Ah Chye and his friends called him back, saying that if he were to not eat them, he would be deemed as a coward and they would go around framing Joel that he had taken drugs. Imagine what the media would write.

     Joel then stopped in his tracks and seemed to be dazed for a while. He knew that he had no choice! It was either that he betray himself, but not alert anyone or being framed and making it to the headlines.

     In the spur of the moment, he then succumbed to peer pressure. He snatched the pill from Ah Chye’s hand and popped it into his mouth. It was only at that moment that he saw Ah Chye and his friends running away as fast as they could. Without knowing what had happened, he looked around and saw a group of policemen approaching him. He knew that he had to run! However, could a person outrun six policemen?

     Handcuffs were soon snapped onto his wrists after checking that he had taken drugs. Tears trickled down his cheecks as he knew that all his right future was destroyed with just one pill!

     The unlocking of the prison gate soon awoke him and it was this time in which Joel regained his freedom. He stepped out, soon blinded by the warm rays of the radient sun and a few familiar faces approached him. This long awaited day had finally arrived! Choked with tears of happiness, Joel then told himself that he would start life afresh and never again would he let a pill control his freedom. Staring back at the old and dilapidated prison cell, Joel then swore to himself that he would never be back here agan.

Word count: 625

Joy starts her compo with a powerful and captivating introduction, describing the sight of the dirty field outside the prison. The protagonist sees more than just an overgrown field, he sees his future in what lies beyond the prison fence. This is a good method to bring across how someone sees something beyond its appearance and in life, this is what we truly need to be looking out for.

Notice how her plot is similar to many others who wrote about freedom. 2 people can write the same plot but the difference in them is how they bring their ideas and emotions across to the reader.

A powerful introduction and conclusion is what you need to convince the reader that you’re worthy of high marks no matter how simple or cliche your storyline is.

Good work, Joy!

Freedom – Iris Tan

     The clock ticked at the back of the courtroom. The room was so utterly silent that you could hear a pin drop. “You have served your sentence and have repented on your wrongdoings. You are now freed and released from the grip of the arms of the law.” The judge said hoarsely to me. Waiting anxiously outside the courtroom for me were my parents, whom I had let down so many times before.

     I was finally given back my freedom.

     Freedom is a word which has many definitions. To me, freedom is like a bird being released form its cage, soaring high up into the sky, gaining its very own freedom. I was that little bird.

     My name is Alfred Goh and I am going to narrate a story based on an event that happened to me three years ago. That moment which was full of regrets and shame would etch in my memory for a long time to come and thanks to this experience, history would not repeat itself again.

     I was never a filial son to my parents. In fact, I was far from that. Getting into fights with gangs was my forte and never did I fail to get away with the trouble, leaving my parents to calm the rough waters. Even though I was such an incorrigible son, I had never taken drugs, stolen, or killed as I never felt that it was worth the risk. As for fighting, I felt otherwise. I did it not only because it was my passion, but also for me to appear more manly and brave in front of the girls. However, Lady Luck was not beside me on that fateful day.

     It all begun on a Wednesday when my parents were working on a nightshift. As usual, I was hanging out with my group of friends. We would always come up with freaky but thrilling ideas to satisfy our hunger for a fight.

     “Hey people! Let’s try doing something a little different today! Let’s go pick up a gang fight with Benny’s gang, The Wildcats.” squealed Charles with excitement. “Whoever remains uninjured and free of bruises will be the leader of this gang.” He continued.

     I thought back. It would be splendid to have some fights with the Wildcats, which was known to be the most vicious gang of all. It would, moreover, be marvelous if victory was mine that night and I could fight my way through the position awaiting me without any restrictions or objections from my parents.

     This was where I abused my freedom and had to pay for it with three years of my life.

     All of a sudden, I heard my late paternal grandfather’s voice. My father had told me a lot about his father, who aspired to be an international street fighter. He died during one of his fights. He was brutally stabbed. However,Ｉidolised my grandfather a lot despite the objections from my parents.

     “Do not start. A coward lives to see another day.” My grandfather’s words began to drum into my head, drilling in right through. I ignored that piece of advice as I knew all I wanted was the position of the leader, a mighty and brave one. Before my friends and I started on our plan, each and every one of us made a pact. We swore not to use weapons, only fists.

     Upon our arrival at the Wildcat’s favourite meeting place, we were not expecting the shock that awaited us. The Wildcats had a backup plan which consisted the use of weapons. In order not to be seen as cowards, we still went ahead to fight, with nothing but our fists. The next horrendous sight I saw was one of my buddies, Greg, being stabbed right in his heart. Images of my grandfather began to flood my mind, forming what had happened to my grandfather. My blood began to boil furiously. I was both filled with grief and hatred. Seeking revenge for Greg came to mind.  Sprinted towards the Wildcats and fought vigorously and tirelessly. I was not bothered about the consequences. Fists and weapons were flying about. Blood was shed. Unfortunately, a life was lost too. I lost my senses during the fight and was punching vigorously and fiercely at Benny, the Wildcats’ leader. I know victory was mine all along as the Wildcats were severely bruised and they were too weak to continue to fight. I was expecting cheering and applause from my fellow gang members but I did not expected to be pushed to the ground. I landed with a loud thud. I put up a struggle to break free from the grip that was holding me down.

     “You are under arrest for committing a public offence here.” A cold, deep voice spoke. A large crowd began to surround me. As I walked through the throng of people, I had an overwhelming sense of guilt and regret. I regretted abusing the freedom I had and I had robbed myself of the three years of my freedom. It was not worth it at all. This was the price I had to pay which was like a death sentence to me as my parents had lost the trust in me and that also, I had let them down. I had not only brought shame but disappointment to myself and my family.

     Now that I am free, I have learnt my lesson and I would never let history repeat itself again.   

Word count: 914

I love how Iris opens her essay. With the ticking of the clock. It creates an atmosphere of suspense that pushes the reader forth.

She uses the present-past (recount)-present plot movement and she introduces herself to the reader which serves as a personal touch.  (My name is Alfred Goh and I am going to narrate… etc) Iris has sprinkles of good expressions here and there which reminds the examiner that she is able to express herself in other ways besides using bombastic vocabulary.

On the whole, I felt that the essay conveyed the idea of freedom rather well!

Good job, Iris!

Post deleted

Roy’s essay has just been deleted because it is not his original work.

Do not waste my time and yours by writing out an essay that was written by another person and allow me to type it out and give comments without notifying me that it isn’t your work.

I want to highlight the seriousness of copying someone else’s work, especially when it is published.

Copyright protects the expression of ideas, (e.g. in words and illustrations.) Ideas alone are not protected. The following may be protected under copyright law:

Literary works such as	Written works/Books Articles in journals or newspapers	Lyrics in songs Source codes of computer programs
Dramatic works   such as	Scripts for films & drama (as applied)	Choreographic scripts for shows or dance routines
Musical works	Music (i.e melody)
Artistic works such as	Paintings Drawings Sculptures Engravings Photographs	Buildings or models of buildingsWorks of artistic craftsmansip. eg designer furniture that is not mass produced
Published editions of literary, dramatic, musical or artistics	Typographical arrangements of a published work
Sound recordings	An aggregate of sounds recourded on tapes, CDs, etc
Films	An aggregate of visual images and sounds recorded on tapes, video compact discs, digital versatile discs, etc
Television and radio broadcasts	Broadcasts by way of television or radio
Cable programmes	Programmes (visual images and sound) included in a cable programme service sent by means of a telecommunication system
Performances	By performer such as musicians, singers and comedians

http://www.ipos.gov.sg/leftNav/cop/

The author has the right to take legal action on you if he or she finds out that you’ve ‘stolen’ his or her original work.

This blog is for your original pieces, and so far, I am very proud of the essays here so do keep up your standards and continue to improve.

Betrayed – Chan Shu Ping

     I stretched my hand to the back and curled up my long, straight fingers. I placed all my anger in this very bullet in the gun. I lifted it up and pointed it towards him. He, Jake, had done so many things which made me feel a gleam of betrayal. I believed him like how I did others, but he betrayed me.  He betrayed my friendship. My hands trembled at the thought of using the gun on him. I have never thought of using this gun on him, not even once even at the brink of death.

     Fate was what I would let decide if he lives or dies. Once an animal comes, I would shoot him with no worries. After all, this place was deep in the forest. No one would come, no one would ever find us. However, Fate played with me. I landed in trouble because I believed in Fate. Again, I felt betrayed. Nobody knew how I felt.

     “Freeze!” The door was being kicked open by a strong leg. A police officer was standing there with his gun pointing towards me. He ordered me to put my gun down and walk up to him. He even promised me that I would not be punished. I gullibly believed him and walked up to him with my gun facing downwards when he snapped the handcuffs over my wrists. Again, I was betrayed.

     When we were in the police station, where I was currently sitting in, they tried to make me believe them again when all the trust I had was gone. I was used to being betrayed but what hurt me the most was tha tmy best friend, whom I share my every secret with, had betrayed me and wanted me dead.

     “Why did you try to kill Jake?”

     I did not only tried to kill Jake, I even tried to believe him again and again and I could no longer take it. It was only this time that I took actions to defend myself because he betrayed me over and over again and this was the final straw. I will now tell you why I resorted to pointing a gun at him and almost killing him…

     It was a week ago when we robbed the bank. The bank owner was Mr Thomas S. Jason, my best friend’s uncle. When we robbed his bank, Jake felt guilty and backed out. He tried to fire the alarm and  I saw what had happened. I stopped him immediately and oly gave him a lecture when we got to our hideout.

     “What were you trying to do just now?”

     It was through the threatening and forcing before he told me that his uncle knew that we were going to rob the bank and had alreayd notified the policemen about it.

     “How did he find out?”

     He only revealed to me the truth when I found out that he was lying. I could tell because I read somewhere before that when a person is telling the truth, his eyes would shift to the left but if he lies, his eyes would shift rightwards.

     His uncle used to be a thief in the past when he was around twenty odd. However, he betrayed his gang leader and manged to get out of the big trouble even before it brewed.

     This time, he said he also wanted to be like his uncle. He had learnt how to betray. At that point of time, I became so emotional. I could not believe that he would rather betray me and give up the money for kinship.

     In the end, I could only come to the conclusion that he was mentally-ill but an even bigger surprise came when he said that he was a cop. I felt trememdously betrayed by my very close friend.

     Now, I do not hold any form of trust anymore. I will never allow myself to be cheated and betrayed ever again. 

Word count: 659

The plot brings across the meaning of ‘betrayal’ very well! Besides being betrayed by his close friend, the protagonist was also being betrayed by the police and in a way, Fate, as well.

Even though Shu Ping does not use any bombastic vocabulary, there are good expressions every now and then to add colour to her piece of writing.

The conclusion is powerful, stating how this betrayal by a close friend has an impact so huge that it prevents the protagonist from trusting anyone so readily in the future.

Good job, Shu Ping!

Voices In His Head – Tay Kai Yuan

     Alexander sighed as he sipped his beer in a bar. Beside him, his high school crush, Charlotte was currently swooning over his eternal rival, Damien. Damien blatantly ignored her and continued swirling his wine.

     “Come on, Damien. Just one date!”

     “I said no, Charlotte.” The brunette sighed before looking at Alexander. “Idiot, stop acting so uncaring over there and get Charlotte off my back.”

     “Aw, don’t be so rude to me, Damien.” The redhead pouted.

     Alexander ignored them as he continued to sip his beer. He was twenty-seven years old. He wasn’t the stupid little kid people used to tease him for being. He was a man, now, and a man wasn’t going to rise to his rival’s bait. Not now, not ever again.

     “As hilarious as ever, Damien! One day we will get you to lighten up!” Alexander’s ex-schoolmate, David laughed.

 “Come on, Alexander.” Charlotte’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Help me persuade Damien! I will give whatever you want.”

     Alexander just shook his head at her immaturity, not understanding how she could still be this way. She should have grown up. And she was the one who used to chew him out about his determination in wooing her. Now, she was exactly doing what he did in the past when they were merely high school students.

     Ray and Jonathan were across the bar, occasionally looking over at the table before whispering between themselves. Alexander knew they were there, and whispering about him, but he ignored them. He didn’t really care. They could whisper all they wanted.

     “I hear we have a mission tomorrow.” Damien said, his hands clasped together and resting before his mouth.

     “Yeah. Eranahia’s special force is on the move. We need to ensure that the entire squad is eliminated,” David’s expression became solemn as he picked up his wine glass.

     “No one can stop them.” Alexander whispered into his beer. “Everyone who tries just dies.”

     “Now, that’s not an optimistic thing to say!” Charlotte snapped, glaring at the blonde.

     “But it’s the truth.” he whispered again. He stared down into his beer for a few seconds, watching as the liquid swirled slightly. Their small little town was already in a mess because of the new ruler of their country, Eranahia. The tyrant sent his armies of talented assassins to annihilate those who are not willing to be under his rule. That included his town because everybody was living in poverty and was not willing to pay the hefty taxes and also send their men to be trained torturously to become one of the tyrant’s army assassins.

     “Alexander.”

     The blonde snapped back, shocking him out of his daze and he turned to look up at Ray. The taller man was frowning down at him, a look of concern in his eyes. “You’ve been sitting here for a while. Are you okay?”

     “Yeah.” Alexander rubbed the back of his head, putting his beer down and standing. “I was just-reminiscing.”

     “We have a mission tomorrow; you should probably get some sleep.” Jonathan whispered, the two Resistance Assassins recognizing the look on the blonde’s face. All of them had set up a Resistance Army against the tyrant a few years ago. Too many people were lost and they merely wanted some peace.

     “I’ll be fine, Jonathan, don’t worry.” He smiled reassuringly, but his eyes didn’t light up, and his smile looked forced. Ray and Jonathan just left it at that, allowing the blonde to walk away from them.

     As Alexander exited the bar, he sighed as he saw the large drops of water falling from the sky. Rain, he sighed, shaking his head. He hated rain. But, he had to get home, so he walked out into it, anyway. The water sloshed around his feet as he walked, causing a disgusting feeling to settle itself between his toes when mud got into his sandals.

     He was just about to turn onto his street when a crack of lightning lit up the area he was in, and something glinted in the night. He turned, his eyes fixing on the memorial stone that was built to remember the people who were sacrificed in Resistance Army. He wanted to look away, but something compelled him to walk towards it.

     He entered the training grounds and stopped in front of the large memorial stone, his hands in his pockets and rain running down his face. He stared at the recent names engraved on the stone. There had been six more deaths since the three that Alexander missed the most had appeared on the stone. The names he came to see every day for an hour.

     Charlotte.

     Damien.

     David.

     A hand fell onto Alexander’s shoulder. “Why are you standing here in the rain, Alexander? Commander will be worried if you catch cold and cannot participate in the missions. We are one of the best teams, ever!”

     “Well, he’s just an idiot.”

     “Really, Alexander. You shouldn’t make yourself sick all the time. It slows us down.”

     Slowly, Alexander brought his hands up to his ears, covering them. His lower lip quivered as the rain masked his tears. It had been four years since the three of them had died.

     When…

     When was he going to stop hearing them in his head?

Word Count: 875

A very creative story. I found it relatively interesting how Kai Yuan lets characters speak in the protagonist’s (main character’s) head. Initially, I felt quite lost because there were so many characters and the whole story seemed pretty disjointed but the last sentence was very powerful. The impact was there and just this one line left the story hanging, but at the same time, provides a good conclusion to it. Very, very creative!

Good work, Kai Yuan!

Jaina’s Tombstone – Tan Jin Da

     There are times when people cry. So do I. It is said that time heals wounds, but I beg to differ. It has been one month since the death of my girlfriend. Sitting by the open window, I enjoyed the breeze. Slowly and gradually, I thought of the deceased.

     “Merry Christmas!” Jaina greeted me with a smile, a smile that symbolized that something wrong was happening. I thought to myself, “Come on, Chris. It is Christmas! Christ will watch over me!” I led her to my room, where we usually had our casual chats. This time, this so-called ‘casual-chatting’ seemed different. Jaina was hesitant in her speech this time and a lot of very weird questions were being posed. She asked me if I was afraid of death, or if one day, if she were to part with me, what was I going to do? I remained silent as I did not know how I was going to answer all those questions.

     “I prefer a change in environment. Let us have a stroll in the park while we talk.” Jaina suggested. We went to the park and enjoyed the beauty of nature. After we became tired, we sat down on a bench that was located near us.

     I felt a chill down my spine. A rounded item was being pointed right behind my head. “Shut your mouth before you walk the stairway to hell.” A low voiced whispered into my ear. I looked at Jaina, she shouted, “Stop this Raymond! This is between me and you!”

     “Well, I will let him go once you promise me that you will be mine!” Raymond said. Jaina shook her head and the finger that was outside the trigger guard reached the inside. He pulled me to the tree beside the bench and told me to stand there with the desert eagle pointed on me, which greatly reduced my movement. “Any movements and I will let this eagle eat you!” Raymond said sarcastically while kissing the pistol. “Jaina, please agree to my proposal. Will you be mine? My honey?” Raymond proposed. 

     A liquid secreted from Jaina’s mouth was being spat onto Raymond’s face. Raymond knew the answer and pulled the trigger. Just when the trigger was being pulled, Jaina shielded me with her body. Raymond and I looked at the tragedy. He could not believe his eyes and I screamed. I ran towards her and hugged her. Raymond dropped the pistol which he held and ran away.

     “You cannot run, you son of a witch!” I shouted. I took the pistol which was being dropped onto the ground and shot his leg. This rendered him immobile. I caught up with him soon and looked at how much ammo had the pistol left. “Five left. I hope Jaina can witness this.”Ｉshot his limbs with the remaining three ammo. “Let me go, please! I beg you!” Raymond shouted. It seemed that revenge and Jaina’s death had corrupted my mind. I pointed the mussel to his head. “Go to hell!” I said as I pressed the trigger. Maybe sarcasm had gotten the better of me. I stuck the mussel of the pistol onto the hole that was being shot onto his head and pulled the trigger again.

     After the slaughter was done, I carried Jaina onto a spot suitable for burying. I spent the whole night digging the ground. Before burying her, I kissed her cold, lifeless face for the very last time.

     “Goodbye, my love.” I said before lowering her slowly into the grave dug. I decided that a gravestone was too ordinary for my beloved who had died. I carved her name onto my abdomen. “I represent your tombstone, Jaina. Please acknowledge my doings.” I said before going back into my house.

     Looking at my abdomen now, I realised what I needed to do. My feet brought me out of the house and to the spot where Jaina was being buried. I dug out the earth until I found her arm, now, cold as icicles on a winter’s day. I held on to it and spent my night there, hoping against hope that somehow, my warmth would travel to her heart and make it beat with life again.

Word Count: 706

A very sensitive piece of work with all the right emotions put in place.

I love how Jin Da develops his story. The ‘Present-Past-Present’ style (also seen in Gee Choon’s essay). Jin Da started his story with a general statement (There are times when people cry. So do I.) and it makes the reader guess what would happen later on. What I like about this story is how he manages to bring across the plot so fluently without using much bombastic vocabulary.

Keep it up, Jin Da! :)

Regrets – Chu Gee Choon

     As I sat down on the window seat, looking out into the shrubbery in the park with the Green Chapel in the background, I started to recall my younger days when much of my time was spent in the park. However, I specifically remembered one particular incident, one that would haunt me forever……

     The shadow of the day embraced the world in grey as I walked around my one-storey bungalow, topless. Just as I was washing my face, my phone rang. “Hello, this is Edward speaking” I answered. “Boss! Boss!” came the frantic reply. I recognized that voice as none other than my assistant, Pudge. “Yes Pudge? Anything wrong?” I answered back coolly. “Boss, they’re raiding our hideout! The…” His sentence was cut short by a ear-splitting shot. As I winced from the echo of the shot, another person answered the phone. “Well, well… Edward Morgan! We meet again!” With horror, I realised that it was my rival, codenamed ‘Silverback’. His real name was unknown. “What the HELL do you want?” I yelled into the phone.

     “Tut tut! This type of recklessness is hardly expected from a leader of people!” I could hear the sarcasm in his snide voice. His tone suddenly became business-like and decisive.

     “Meet me at the Green Chapel today, at eleven pm! If not, your beloved will disappear…” As he cut off the line, I could hear the screams of Vanessa, the love of my life, in the background.

     For the rest of the day, I hung around my house, trying to get inspiration to form a plan, but none came. My house was suddenly enshrouded in a cloud of suspense and despair that seemed to hae emitted from me. I sat on the window seat and looked at the distant Green Chapel, I thought silently, “I’m going to get you for this, Silverback, you son of a devil,” With that thought in my mind, I stood up to get dressed.

     At 11pm on the dot, I stood outside the Green Chapel, a well-known warehouse ran by gangsters. As expected, the door opened for me. I stepped into the darkness of the warehouse, keeping a hand on a pearl-handed pistol, my latest ‘toy’. Out of the blue, the warehouse was flooded with light. Whipping out my pistol in the spur of the moment, I saw that I was surrounded. One of the thugs said, “Hey, look at this pussycat! He needs a gun in order to get through us!” The others roared with laughter. Anger bubbled in the pit of my stomach and my adrenaline level surged. Before they knew it, I grabbed one of them, snapped his neck and killed him in an instant. The others swarmed around me, trying to even subdue me, but all were no match for my skills. In no time at all, twenty dead men were lying on the floor I stood on. I straightened my dinner jacket, picked up my pistol and headed towards the innermost recesses of the warehouse.

     “Am I surprised to see you here!” Silverback exclaimed with mock surprise as I shot open the door marked ‘Private. Do Not Enter’. “What do you want?” I said angrily. “Well, relax. I want your … company’s shares in exchange for your beloved’s life.” He said. “Done.” I quickly took the document and signed it, replacing my signature with a false one.

     “Thanks a lot” he took out a gun and shot my beloved in the head. My life crashed, instantly. I took out my metal set square and threw it at his neck, killing him in an instant. Then, I rappelled out of the warehouse.

     Now, looking back, I should not have ‘signed’ the document. I could have bought more time for her. Life is now meaningless without her. I tore my glance away from the Green Chapel and closed both blinds before turning my head away. They say time heals even the deepest wounds. I hope it does.

Word Count: 662

Gee Choon’s plot is very intriguing. He has managed to successfully bring across the action and thrill of this piece of story by using very good expressions (those in italics). Also, notice how he describes the atmosphere (eg. a cloud of suspense and despair, shadow of the day embraced the world in grey).

I really enjoyed reading his story because he has very beautiful descriptions and his storyline is simply interesting.

Keep it up, Gee Choon!