The world seemed as if it was turned upside down, I just could not get myself out of the abyss of angst and remorse. The usual scintillating light rays seemed so dim and sombre. Beads of tears trickled down my pale cheeks as I sat beside him. I did a silent prayer and prepared myself for the worst.
The days grew gloomier and nothing seemed to captivate me. The morning sun aglow the horizon with a pale yellow hue. How I wished he would be able to witness the exotic phenomenon. But unfortunately, he was still in coma.
My dearest elder brother, Tyrus, had met with a devastating car accident outside his school compound, which landed him in this state.
Since then, I attempted to fiddle with his fingers, rub his hands and even play his favourite music. I really hoped that these would not be futile attempts. I really hoped that he would come around soon.
My sisters, Adela and Michelle, sauntered into the hospital ward. Judging from their facial expressions, they seemed lethargic as if they had carried massive loads to and fro. All the while, they have been worried about our brother, whose health was on a decline. Presently, my brother’s life was hanging by a thread and that thread would snap anytime. It was just a matter of time before the ominous truth was revealed.
Out of the blue, the heartbeat meter started to beep. Two straight luminous green lines were striking across its screen. My heart started to thump very quickly as if it was going to explode anytime. My sisters were so worried that one of them even dropped the cup of Latté she bought earlier. Tears started to well up and I could not stand it. Nurses and doctors began to sprint into the ward and started to carry out an emergency defibrillation. I stared at the defibrillator stumping against my elder brother’s chest.
Tears began to flow down continuously and all I had in mind was to pray for him. The feeling was immeasurably hurtful. Be it kith or kin, it is a heartrending experience to lose someone who shares secrets with you or someone who lets you pour out your emotions to. My brother was a great sibling who was always there for me and I would miss him very, very much.
Life is transient, that I know, but I could not comprehend why my brother’s life was taken away so soon.
With my own eyes, I witnessed the doctors shaking their heads in distress and they eventually halted the defibrillation. One of the doctors strode across the ward and apologised. At that point of time, I could neither believe my ears nor eyes. Tears just ran down my cheeks as I covered my mouth with my sweaty left hand. I hated my brother so much for bringing so much sorrow, grief and misery to our family. He had promised us not to make us cry since after the folly he had committed a few years back. But he broke that promise. We cried as though there was no end to it.
Our parents were later informed of this tragic fact. My mother, overwhelmed with grief, fainted. My sisters and I could not accept the sudden truth of the passing of our beloved brother initially, but we eventually understood that life always has a beginning and an end.
From that point of time onwards, I began to avoid my friends and relatives, crying alone in misery. I knew that was not going to work. Ergo, my sister bought a balloon of my brother’s much loved colour and instructed my family to pen down our wishes before inflating it. I held the marker tightly and started to scribble a bevy of unspoken words. After which, we released it into the wide expanse of the serene blue sky.
The balloon began to float away and soon it disappeared from my vision
To date, three weeks had passed and I mooned around the bedroom that I used to share with my elder brother. I have been recalling what I had written on the balloon. I did not know that saying goodbye was that painful.
I wrote, “To my dearest brother, Tyrus, I will love and miss you forever. Goodbye.”
Word count: 741
I loved the use of vivid descriptons throughout the entire essay. The underlined ones are good use of adjectives and the ones in italics are good descriptions.
Shi Jie has given a good opening line/ introduction which draws the reader in as it prompts the reader to read on and find out what happened.
Notice how the entire essay mainly focuses on just one event taking place at one time(the author in the hospital with his family). The only paragraphs that were not were the paragraphs on the flashback (the author recalls what landed his brother in this state) and the last few paragraphs which serve as a conclusion. Hence, a good compo can be written on just one happening. Elaborate it well. Too many events taking place would become too complicated, and the compo may even not answer to the question requirements.
I like the imagery of a balloon with messages on it. It serves as a symbol; how the author and his family has decided to ‘let go’ of their grief. It also shows the hopes they held of the balloon reaching heaven to deliver the messages to Tyrus. The family members send their love to Tyrus via a balloon – this denotes simplicity, showing how family ties are so strong that nothing, except genuine love can bond them together.
Well done, Shi Jie!
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